OK, today was the second day of the trek and to be honest there were many points where it was just a bit of a nightmare. The only real up-point was a few hours in when we stopped by a mini waterfall, looking out over the
landscape. Other than that I spent the whole time looking at my feet as I was really struggling with the potholes and the terrain, and I was just getting emotionally and physically exhausted and drained and at points I just wanted to sit down and cry. My toes were killing, my legs were shaking. I was fed up of being 'the shit one' and constantly needing help and getting sunburnt despite having reapplied factor 40 three or four times, even though it's meant to last for six hours anyway, so all of that was fantastic.
So now as well as a bloody, bruised big toenail, my arms are really tended and sore. In short, I just felt like crap today and really feel like crying and am totally demoralised for the rest of the trek- I just don't want to do it at all, especially after coming down the hill (named Sweaty Hill) that we have to walk back up on the last day for two hours, and I am going to cry.
That said, we did go swimming again, in a waterfall plunge pool which was pretty awesome, and again it made me so much happier just because I could feel useful and not pathetic, especially being able to swim better than some of the boys. It just proves what Tom Lyne said earlier about everyone having different strengths, and mine just isn't going downhill.
We also did something where we were given someone to observe throughout the day to give feedback to. Luckily I got Tom Lyne so that was pretty easy, considering he was being really lovely and helping me loads throughout the day alongside others such as Josh, Jack, other Tom and Tang the Backstreet Boys obsessed guide, something I really appreciated, as well as Gemma (my observer) telling me later that it's OK if I need a break. All of which has actually buoyed me up quite a bit and thinking about the support I've had and remembering the feeling of elation when we got here makes me think I may have overreacted a bit before, even I do feel rubbish right now. We're definitely working better as a team now, too, and whilst I really cannot wait for Tuesday when this trek is completely behind us, for now I'm really starting to appreciate the support I have, and am accepting it more which is something I'm learning to do, as I don't do it nearly enough at home.
I'm sometimes perhaps too independent and see needing help as a sign of weakness, and whilst I still do have that attitude to an extent, it's getting better as I've seen people who need help and have needed help and know that when I've offered it it's been because I'd be ready to give it if need be, not because I feel I should but don't really want to, so hopefully, and presumably at least a few others feel the same.
Anyway this bamboo floor is really quite uncomfortable and bed is much more attractive, so there I shall